Dreams I

I am big fan of movies. Not Hollywood, but of a lot of the movies that particular industry produces. Some of my ‘life sayings’ come from the films I’ve seen and now own on DVD. In Nicolas Cage’s “Con Air”, the hero is asked at one point, “Don’t you trust me?”. To which he replies, “There’s two people I trust. One is me and the other’s not you.” When I think about this fandom of Hollywood, two films in particular, “Tap”, with Gregory Hines, and “Finding Forrester”, with Sean Connery, come to mind.

These two films have several things in common. Firstly, they were not big commercial successes and neither was nominated for any academy awards that I know of. I could be mistaken about that. Secondly, both films have a common thread, that of an under dog with an amazing gift and how difficult it is to see that gift utilized. And thirdly, through as series of events, the hero finds a way to fulfill his dream.

I started thinking about dreams and how each of us, all six billion (I think that’s the population of the world about now), have a God-given ability that if utilized can bring about significance and fulfillment in our lives.

Someone said that everyone has a particular ability that they can do better that 25,000 people. And if they can find out what that ability is and can figure out how to make money doing it, they will be neither unemployed nor unsatisfied in their daily lives. The big question on my mind is what is that gifting? I can see clearly what some people’s gifting is. My mother and father, for example, are marvelous at parenting. They just really seemed to enjoy being the parents of eight children.

My father is a hero in his own right. Although he had the state of the art job in the late 60’s, that of an engineer on the Space Program with NASA, he never defined himself by his job. Most of the technology that we enjoy today is a byproduct of the research and development that went into putting a man on the moon in June of 1969.

I would say that 85% of the things he did, he did for someone else. He was on the City Council in Shore Acres, a small town outside a small town outside Houston, Texas. He served on the Knights of Columbus for St. Mary’s Catholic Church there. He also volunteered with the Boy Scouts and eventually became the Scout Master, taking us boys on scouting trips even in the cold and rain when it him as the only adult with ten or twelve teen-age boys for the entire weekend. He enjoyed camping and found it was something our large family could enjoy with a modest monetary investment. He also got the older kids interested in sailing, and when the time was right, purchased a small sailboat and helped us all to learn the intricacies of sailing.
My older siblings and I were all practiced sailors by the time it was all said and done, taking the boat out by ourselves and feeling confident that we could go out and come back without problems. I even remember sailing at night on an unfamiliar lake when he got the wonderful idea of combining our love of camping with our love of sailing. I sailed that dark lake for almost a half hour by myself and found my way back because he gave me the confidence that I could do it.

My mother is another hero. She loved sailing, but she hated camping. She said that she had to do everything she did at home without all the conveniences. I can imagine taking eight kids, a dog, a sailboat and all the gear required to go on a two week trip from Houston to Colorado and back, and it is enough to make me want to buy a small caliber pistol and put myself out of my misery. She never mentioned it at the time and she never complained. My younger sister helped me understand this when she told me, “If my kids are having fun, then it’s a good vacation.” My mom also has been an inspiration to her friends and her church. One aunt calls her “Saint Joan”. Having survived Breast Cancer with all that goes with it (Chemo and radiation treatment, losing all her hair), and now facing still another trial, she will not give up without a fight. She is ready to meet God, but wants to do everything she can to make sure that this is His time.

I don’t know if my parents had some gifting other than being parents, and they will tell you they might doubt how good of a job they did, but I can think of no better parents than the two people who had the fortune (or misfortune, depending on what kind of day I’m having) of having me as their son. I do not know how blessed they are or were, I only know how blessed I am to have two parents that loved each other and my brothers and sisters through thick and thin.

If my parents had decided to not have kids, they could have lived in a much nicer neighborhood in a much nicer home (which would have been a lot cleaner), gone to nice parties and eaten out at fine restaurants all the time. They could have gone on more elaborate vacations and even traveled all over the world. But they chose to give life to eight children and they never looked back.

Now, they have traveled the world (Rome, Ireland, South Korea, England, Scotland) and they have great parties with eight kids and sixteen grandkids. All the things they might have wanted, they got anyways. Oh, and by the way, I am sure that Gerri and I have forgiven you for camping on Thanksgiving and raking leaves on Christmas Eve. And my Dad and my Mom still spends a lot of time doing for others.

Sobriety Is A Funny Thing

Sobriety is often thought of as abstinence from alcohol where the brain is not affected by the physical impairment caused by alcohol’s detrimental effects on our judgment and reason. It’s used is almost always connected with drugs or alcohol, which is, in itself, a drug.

To be sober usually means not having consumed any alcohol, or at least having consumed alcohol in moderation.

For people in a 12-step program, such as Alcoholic’s Anonymous, sobriety means abstaining from the detrimental effects of any activity that is compulsive. An alcoholic may seem to have complete control of his or her life in every area except when it pertains to drinking. In this area, they seem to have absolutely no control and their drinking becomes a compulsive act, as if their will has been taken away from them by an unknown power. It does not matter that their own hand forged the chains that bind them by actions they previously committed before, maybe even years earlier. The fact is that now, even when they desire to stay away from such activity, they feel powerless over their compulsive actions.

For the alcoholic, the drug is alcohol. For the drug addict, it is whatever drug of choice they chose in the past. For the gambling addict, it is the slots or bingo, or off track betting. Whatever the addiction, the activity or substance is the drug. Whether it is overeating or sex, the addict seems to have no control over his or her actions.

Promising to do better next time, even pledging to God and all His Holy angels in Heaven doesn’t work.

The addict has broken more promises than you could imagine. “Lock them all up in prison before they actually hurt someone.” They are actually already locked up in a prison in their own minds with bars that cannot be broken and there is no chance of parole. Ever.

So when people in the various 12-step to state how they are doing in “the program”, they use the term sobriety. One statement in such programs is, “I act out. We recover.” To the uninitiated, term “act out” means to engage in whatever activity caused the problems in the first place. If it’s an alcoholic, acting out is taking a drink. If it’s a drug addict, it’s using whatever drug they have a problem. Addicts flounder in their addiction by themselves, but they recover with the help of others in the program.

The First Step states, “We admitted we were powerless over our compulsive (name the addiction of your choice) activity – that our lives had become unmanageable.” If we had the power, there would be no AA or GA or OA or SA. It is the powerlessness that absolutely kills us. We like to believe if we try this or that then everything will be all right.

The Second Step follows that as such: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Do you see that? An addiction, any addiction, causes a sort of insanity. Addicts are crazy like that. Trying the same thing over and over hoping for different results is the textbook definition of insanity.

The key is that sobriety is a gift God,

who most addicts believe is the “power greater than ourselves” addressed in the Second Step. Working the steps require to maintain that sobriety is a gift we give ourselves. People, by their very nature, have addictive personalities. Or at least we have personalities that lend themselves to becoming addicts.

Probably one of the stupidest things I ever heard come out of the mouth of a supposedly educated man, I have my doubts, (Master’s Degree, senior pastor of a very popular, very large church) was “I didn’t become a sex addict because I chose not to become one.” Like every sex addict told his mother when he was young, “Gee, Mommy, when I grow up I want to be addicted to watching pornography and thinking about that sort of thing all the time.” Yeah, every addict chose to be an addict. I am not saying that an addict is not partly responsible for his condition. Addiction is like going into the Hotel California. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

Sobriety is a gift. But we have to reach out and take it. There is work to be done to actually reach out and receive this precious gift. Sometimes its changing who we hang out with, or where we spend our time. As one very wise ex-addict (I say ex-addict because he has passed away) once said, “The problem is not the problem.” It’s not the actual alcohol or the actual gaming tables, or the sex. It’s our way of thinking that needs to change. And that change only comes with help from someone greater than you. And counselors who have trod that path before you.

As they say, the first step is admitting you need help. That you are powerless. And that you actually want help. There’s an old movie line, “Help will always come to those who need it.”

Happy New Year

Well, 2009 came whether we wanted it to or not. I woke up this morning and it was here. Of course, I saw it come in last night and although I really was not looking forward to a New Year, it came anyway.

That’s the funny thing about time. You cannot stop it, control it, back it up or do anything about how fast it goes by. Time will continue whether or not we do or not. If I stop my own life (a futile, but permanent, gesture), time will continue to roll on. And I would be the only one who would miss out on the good stuff.

There is a song by Garth Brooks that he sung several years ago called “The Dance”. The lyrics go as such: “And now I’m glad I didn’t know/ The way it all would end, the way it all would go/Our lives are better left to chance/I could have missed the pain/But I would have had to miss the dance”.

Although there are a lot of things I regret in my life, all my experiences have all come together to bring me to where I am right now, for better or worse. And there have been some great times that I will always cherish. Little things like visiting a Bazaar in Turkey on a sunny, hot July afternoon. Watching the brilliant shooting stars from my vantage point high on a burm surrounding ammunition bunkers in Turkey on a midnight shift with my Air Force patrol dog, Pax .

Walking through the small English villages while stationed in the United Kingdom. Taking that alpine boat tour where I couldn’t understand a word the tour guide was saying outside of Bertchegarden, Germany, when I went to a Christian retreat. Seeing the Northern Lights from 9000 feet as I flew from Omaha to Kansas City with cargo in my airplane. Or seeing the static electricity from the dry snow hitting my propeller as I flew a smaller, single-engine airplane across the state of Missouri with bank checks and other paperwork on a cold January morning. Or the time I was flying out of Nashville in a twin-engine airplane and the cloud deck just covered my wings, but let me see clear skies above them.

I could have missed the pain of burying my wife after only 6 years of marriage, but I would have missed the incredible joy of seeing the sparkle in her eyes when I proposed marriage outside the A&P grocery store. Or hearing her southern twang as I walked through the door as she called out, “Hey!”.

A friend of mine lost his mother about a week ago and he is dealing with that great loss right now. He doesn’t quite know how to get through the pain to the other side. The road is not clear and he is afraid. I just lost my job on Monday, and I am dealing with a little bit of fear and depression about the future and the road is not clear.

All I know to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking down this life. My mother once said a truism to me. “This too, shall pass.” It may sound trite and stale, but truisms are called truisms because they are true. I will not always feel down and I will not always feel up. It’s like the weather in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. If you don’t like it, wait awhile; it will change. Life is like that. If you don’t like it, or if you do like it, it will change.

Christmas Thoughts

As I sit here a few days after Christmas, heading into the final stretch of 2008, it’s time to reflect on what this year has meant for our world. Not our planet. Our world. When people speak about our planet, there is usually some emphasis about “saving the planet”, which means less people, less economic growth, people are bad, animals are good, etc. etc.

Ted Turner believes that we need to cut the population to 25% of what it is today. It’s funny how those folks that are so into “culling the herd” never volunteer to cull themselves. They are like politicians that think that “something has to be done” with everybody else’s money. The news came out the VP-elect Joe Biden is worth several million dollars and has been in the senate for some 30 years, but only gave around $2500 to charitable causes last year.

After the members of Congress bailed out Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae with 700 Billion dollars of our tax money, two businesses that should have been allowed to go under due to the poor management of their finances, they gave themselves each a $4700 raise, bringing their annual salary to $174,000 per year. In terms for those who work for an hourly wage can understand, that comes to almost a $2.50 an hour raise. But you know, it must be tough to live on only $169,300 a year. Why, that’s barely enough to afford the payment on that second home in D.C. or that new yacht. And that does not count the salaries of their office staff, which makes their personal salaries look puny in comparison.

It’s funny how Congress demanded that the CEO’s of the Big Three auto makers take pay cut for an annual salary of only $1 a year in order to receive federal bailout money. Even though this would not make that much of a difference in the performance of the companies in question. It was a symbolic gesture, and that is all that it was. And then Congress gives itself a $4700 a year pay raise. But not ha ha funny.

The thing that will eventually cause the Big Three to go under is the union. People don’t want to hear that because they think that the unions are all for the little guy. But with union bosses pulling in 6-figure salaries while the guy working the assembly line makes $28 an hour (that’s around $56,000 a year), and with the retirement benefits draining their coffers, and the union not willing to renegotiate contracts to keep the guys working, it won’t be long until all three of the Big Three are a fading memory. The Japanese automobile industry doesn’t seem to have a problem selling their cars. And many of them are made right here in the United States. It’s funny that Congress is going to demand that workers for the Toyota plant here in the United States, making $18 an hour give money to bail out workers in the Big Three making $28 an hour. But not ha ha funny.

We’ve lost some people in 2008.

Actor Robert Prosky, who was in many films, including the priest who avises the main character in “Rudy”. Beverly Garland, who I remember as Fred MacMurray’s television wife in “My Three Sons”. Paul Benedict, who played George Jefferson’s British neighbor on “The Jeffersons”. Actors Paul Newman and Van Johnson. Comedian Bernie Mac. Actress Estelle Getty of “The Golden Girls”, Bozo the Clown, Larry Harmon, and Comedian George Carlin also passed in 2008. Actors Charlton Heston, David Groh, who portrayed Valerie Harper’s husband in the television series “Rhoda”, “Jaws” actor Roy Scheider, Suzanne Pleshette, and Heath Ledger as well as Allan Melvin, the actor who played Sam the Butcher on “The Brady Bunch”

Singers Odetta, Eartha Kitt, drummer Mitch Mitchell of the Jimi Hendrix Experience, singer/songwriter Jerry Reed, singer/songwriter Isaac Hayes, and Robert Hazard, who wrote “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” and Richard Wright, founding member and keyboardist for Pink Floyd also passed away this year.

Author Michael Crighton, who wrote “Jurassic Park”, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, whose books chronicled Stalin’s slave labor camps, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, and newsman Tim Russert, Senator Jesse Helms, sportscaster Jim McKay, fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent, conservative author and speaker William F. Buckley, Jr., and the Maharesh Mahesh Yogi, founder of Transcendental Meditation. Georgia Fontaine, owner of the Saint Louis Rams, chess master Bobby Fischer, Sir Edmund Hillary, who conquered Mount Everest, are among those who will not see the new year of 2009.


And I would be remiss if I did not mention the men and women of our military who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country and our freedom. They will be greatly missed. We say a fond farewell to all those who have passed and hope to enjoy the time we have left with those who are still among us.